A new relationship, a whole new kettle of fish...

Well, it has been three months! A whole three months of a real adventure and as cheesy as it sounds, it’s really been an amazing one.

I can’t believe it’s been such a short time for such a huge amount of growth. Without being too mushy this really is what relationships are about; fun, laughter, troubles, challenges, growing, learning, evolving, love, decisions, compromise, sacrifice etc etc – and slowly, but surely I’m learning all of that – in three months I’ve come a long way! It is new to me, being in a relationship like this, but it is fun. God truly is at the centre of it which has enabled it to flourish so far and has enabled the growth that has happened already.

I went into the relationship with a similar mentality as always – stay guarded, don’t reveal too much and ensure that you keep a mystery about you. Ridiculous to some extent, but relatively wise in others. Whilst it’s important to guard your heart it is important to reveal it also, bit by bit in my case. I really can’t say enough of the beauty and importance of having God at the centre, it changes everything. Whole mindsets and outlooks are changed because of it. In the most liberating way!

When we are struggling with something it’s not just us, we’re leaning on the bedrock of all existence – we are relying on God. When we make mistakes, God knows and He forgives us, we don’t have to walk around stooped from the burden of guilt or live in a hypocritical manner. I’m finally in a relationship where I’m being challenged not just doing the challenging and one where I am not just on my own page at my own steam but one where the vision is the same – the pace is the same, the mindset is the same and both our eyes are focused on Him. We’ve hit our highs and we’ve hit our lows, but I actually enjoy both – the lows enable us to grow closer to each other and they make me so grateful for the amazing relationship I have with God and that we as a couple have with Him also.

If all else truly failed I know that we’d still have God at the end of it all – and that is a comforting thought. It finally feels like I’ve arrived; it’s taken a few heartbreaks but I’m here! I have someone to respect, look up to, follow, to challenge and be challenged by, to support and be supported by, to follow God alongside and vitally to have a lot of fun and laughter with! I am very blessed.

Thank you God.

Contentment...

I haven’t blogged in a while and that in itself got me to thinking as to why. I’m completely content. I am in a new relationship, a new stage of life and the pressures of work and such are far away … for the moment.

It is in the place of the most content that can be the most dangerous though. It is when we feel most stable and apparently ‘fine’ that often the subtle tricks of the devil can creep on in and we are caught completely off guard and oblivious. It’s a calming place and a lovely place to be, but we must always be vigilant.

For me personally I’ve noticed that my Bible reading has slipped, I say slipped rather I mean ceased. I am content and yet I’ve begun to forget about the fuel that I need in order to continue. I’ve started to read Psalms and loving it. It is not hard to be passionate about the Bible when there is such truth and beauty unfolding in every page.

It is a fight, but Jesus has the victory and I will strife to challenge and push myself further, even in this place of contentment.

I know that there is little time left before I start the heavy workload again, but even in prolonged times of deep breaths we can still enter in, we can still push, challenge and strife to know our God better, to live increasingly more like Him and to bring glory to His name.

I wrote that this morning and I've already been hit by a few challenges, it just goes to show - always need to be ready!

Eternal Listener...

We live in a world that is driving us to be independent, to be our own island and that it is Me, Myself and I that can get us through everything. 'It is me and me alone that I can rely upon', and time after time when we are let down and hurt all we are left with is ourselves.

I don't buy it. Any of it.

Ipad, Ipod, Iphone. I don't need just 'I' I need something/someone to support me, hold me, challenge me and pick me up. Call me dependent, weak or even pathetic but I'd rather struggle knowing that I can and am able to place my burdens on someone else than knowing I'm struggling and there is no-one to help me. The latter isn't freedom or independence; that is loneliness. That is sad. That breaks my heart.

And yet for all those people, that are on the brink of utter despair from the loneliness and the devastation that it brings there is the simplest solution...

He is all I've ever needed, He is all I will ever need and He is the bearer of all my thoughts, tears, cries and problems...

God.

It may seem like the obvious answer if you've ever read my previous blogs or it may seem like the most ridiculous answer that's ever been suggested.

But God sent His only son to die brutally and excruciatingly on the cross just so He could be closer to YOU. Just so that you never have to feel alone again, just so that when you are are upset or angry you can tell Him and He can listen.

An eternal, faithful, steadfast friend. Can't ask better than that!? Ask yourself this: IF any of that is true, wouldn't it be amazing? IF He was there 24/7; next time you closed the door and showed the mess you really are and feel, wouldn't it be great to tell someone about it who wouldn't judge or sneer or be distracted?

In a world where people struggle to sacrifice a minute of their time or even to let someone out of a junction knowing there is a God who wants to listen is pretty flippin' amazing don't you think?

Answers from God...

I was looking back over some notes from Mobilise and I come across this conversation that I've had with God. My memory is often fuzzy, so a pat on the back for writing it down. It was so refreshing and funny to read it and to be reminded of it again.

I could have asked a million deeper questions or requested something massive, but in this instance I asked a very weak and pathetic 'what if' question. As if the God of the universe needs to listen to a 'what if' question!

To give a little context to the conversation (which, perhaps rather riskily I will put up) a friend of mine is going through a really hard time and is in a difficult situation, which does not make it massively easy from where I am to support them. But, God has given me this friendship and a heart for this person so it is my responsibility and should be my joy to support them.

Context briefly given, the conversation went a little like this (with no gender specifics to make it a bit more anonymous):

"You are to be their support and their friend"

Me-"But what if they turn me away?"

"Then you keep trying. You keep fighting. You don't lose hope."

Granted it was a short and sweet conversation, but there is little more to be said when God Almighty says something as incredible like that to you.

I still find it incredible that even with a simple, weak question like that, God takes the time of day to listen and answer. Its with those words that I know what God wants me to do and it's clear that God has given me the privilege of such an influential position in that person's life.

I just love the fact that Job moaned, Jonah ran, I questioned...and He answered us all.

God's Steadfast Love vs. Human's Wavering Heart...

So today I heard some potentially bad news, but on reflection I found myself praising God for it. He blessed me with the most amazing conversation, that set everything straight in my head and brought great clarity to me. What a great God I have!

I came away thinking how amazing is His love!? It is constant and steadfast and never changing.

On Earth we go through constant change in love and our interaction with people and yet God remains the same. When one day we could love one person and the next be broken-hearted, God continues in His love for us and never takes it away.

Being loved by someone is undoubtedly one of the greatest feelings in the world, so imagine how incredible it is to be loved by the one that made you and planned and numbered your days!

Our love can be fleeting and wavering but God's love never is, how incredible! I hurt God constantly with my foolish ways and yet He loves me unconditionally, not because He's weak and needs me, but because He knows how much I need Him.

His love encompasses me and brings me peace and comfort. And it is with that happy thought that I am going to bed!

Goodbye Comfort Zone!

This is the year that I have been waiting for, the year that I knew was going to happen and the year that was totally all God's doing.

Now that it is here I'm beginning to understand that this year is going to be more than just teaching, it's going to be me growing hugely. I may say that at the start of every term but I truly can see it happening already.

Aside from the academic side of things and delving into the spiritual side; God is challenging me and I'm not really sure where my comfort zone is anymore. In the past few months I can see a drastic change in myself; more so than the past few years combined in some ways.

It started with the little things, but now I'm seeing that its spilling over onto the big things. God is teaching me to swallow the little (foolish and undeserved) pride I had and to go for it!

I've left the realms of ease behind and I'm putting myself out on the ledge of discomfort.

Granted, not in all areas. When it comes to matters of the heart I am still trying to leave it in God's hands, and His lack of response is teaching me to be patient and to chill out about it. Again, another trait that is evolving in me.

Take last Sunday, I was asked to pray for people and it was through being chucked in the deep end that I did! Not through my strength, I can assure you but through His! My journey home was spent praising God at the top of my voice in my car, because of how thankful I am for the opportunity. A purely God-given opportunity. I'm not sure what's happening to me, but I think I've switched on. I think God has shaken me up and is pushing me to reach the potential He has for me.

I can see now that the last years have been the ground work and now I'm starting to see the harvest. Starting to see the fruition of a word given to me a while ago; ahhh God's jigsaw is starting to make sense to my little eyes. And to think...before the world began He knew every piece of it!

The latest word for me is the one that I am going to end on:

"This is a new season of standing on the edge and testing the waters. Get ready to say goodbye to the comfort zone!"

Gulp! I'll let you know how it goes! (12.10.11)

Inspiring Women...

Recently at a prayer meeting I was in a small prayer group with my close friend and two older ladies. Admittedly my first choice of 'prayer partners' would have been my close friends but having these two women proved to be a real blessing. Both of these women are mothers and wives and it was incredible being prayed for by them.

Straight away they volunteered to pray for me and began laying their hands on me. It was amazing! They prayed with such conviction, power and expectation that I felt ashamed to have been so passive and faithless. Their prayers over me were so full of love and anticipation that I was taken unawares and God really met with me. They spoke into my life with wisdom and full of caring hearts that I felt privileged to be prayed for by them.

It highlighted to me their importance within the church family and how crucial they are to its growth and character. It is so easy to look up to those in the spotlight, but its the mothers and the wives that have brought up families and been steadfast wives throughout the years that I want to give praise to today.

These women put me to shame with their seemingly boundless faith and their high levels of expectations; their age and past experiences haven't made them cynical or faithless, rather it has made them more full of faith. And there I was 20 years their junior struggling to be expectant at all. It's women like that, that I aspire to be like; the women that have fought long battles, been strongholds during storms and have stood steadfast through it all to come out the other side as strong women of God; warriors ready to fight and full of faith on God's adventure.

They deserve honouring.

I want to be a warrior as they are; to bring up a united family, that loves and serves one another, to have a strong marriage that can take the unpredictability of life, to be prayerful and in that be expectant and full of faith and no matter what the past has been like to look forward to the future and be constantly in love with God.

Today this blog is for you, you incredible women of God. I aspire to someday be as priceless as you are, for you truly are a rarity.