I have the perfect surrounding for this post...sitting against my radiator in my bare and empty bedroom with only one light on in the corner and Phil Collins playing in the background!!
I'm struggling to compete with the actual reality that I have to go back to Canterbury in about half an hour, I'm nervous because tensions were definately mounting last term and to be honest in the frame of mind I'm in at the moment I just want to get some work done and get this degree over with.
I know that when I get back I'll soon settle back down into the norm of the life I left behind a month ago, but as for right now? Rational thinking has been thrown out of the window.
Just packing my life away to continue the other life at uni gets me emotional, I had to come before God on my knees and cry just to let it out, and even now I have tears welling up at the thought that I have to go back, I'm not sure what it is that upsets me. Dearest reader, please don't think me melodramatic, because as of now this is the vulnerable state I am in. With distant thoughts of unimportant things in my head also.
My life here is comfortable and fun, people know me and I know them. I live a relatively easy life with food and money a blase thing. Church=easy. Interacting=easy. Time alone=easy. Guys=never easy! ha ha.
Reader, if you had seen the size of my head you'd be amazed at how much I can fit in such a small head!! One of God's many wonderments!
I almost feel like running away from reality or perhaps living in Sidcup all my life with the same people and never growing up, think there's a place like that actually. Hmmmm...Neverland perhaps, think it's in the Bermuda Triangle somewhere-lots of chavs I hear. Wow, I am sad, I actually chuckled at that!
Life seemed to have taken a great turn over this w/e and I guess on the optimistic side, it's a great way to end it. My whole family being around was amazing and just felt so nice to have them all around me again, especially as going back I'll have none of them.
Oh dear, the tears are back.
But what I take solace in is this...My God loves me, He told me so today and no matter how scared, worried or lonely I feel He is always there even when I'm let down by friends, He's still there. He'll be with me when my parents leave me tonight in that cold room that seems so bare and lonely. He'll be there when I catch up with friends tonight, He'll be there when I sleep tonight.
He'll always be there and He always has. My steadfast and loving, incredible friend like no other.
I'm struggling to compete with the actual reality that I have to go back to Canterbury in about half an hour, I'm nervous because tensions were definately mounting last term and to be honest in the frame of mind I'm in at the moment I just want to get some work done and get this degree over with.
I know that when I get back I'll soon settle back down into the norm of the life I left behind a month ago, but as for right now? Rational thinking has been thrown out of the window.
Just packing my life away to continue the other life at uni gets me emotional, I had to come before God on my knees and cry just to let it out, and even now I have tears welling up at the thought that I have to go back, I'm not sure what it is that upsets me. Dearest reader, please don't think me melodramatic, because as of now this is the vulnerable state I am in. With distant thoughts of unimportant things in my head also.
My life here is comfortable and fun, people know me and I know them. I live a relatively easy life with food and money a blase thing. Church=easy. Interacting=easy. Time alone=easy. Guys=never easy! ha ha.
Reader, if you had seen the size of my head you'd be amazed at how much I can fit in such a small head!! One of God's many wonderments!
I almost feel like running away from reality or perhaps living in Sidcup all my life with the same people and never growing up, think there's a place like that actually. Hmmmm...Neverland perhaps, think it's in the Bermuda Triangle somewhere-lots of chavs I hear. Wow, I am sad, I actually chuckled at that!
Life seemed to have taken a great turn over this w/e and I guess on the optimistic side, it's a great way to end it. My whole family being around was amazing and just felt so nice to have them all around me again, especially as going back I'll have none of them.
Oh dear, the tears are back.
But what I take solace in is this...My God loves me, He told me so today and no matter how scared, worried or lonely I feel He is always there even when I'm let down by friends, He's still there. He'll be with me when my parents leave me tonight in that cold room that seems so bare and lonely. He'll be there when I catch up with friends tonight, He'll be there when I sleep tonight.
He'll always be there and He always has. My steadfast and loving, incredible friend like no other.
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