Austen's Persuasion...

I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You piece my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his lover has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in

F.W.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.

F.W is Fredrick Wentworth writing to Anne Elliot in Jane Austen's Persuasion, no matter how many times I read that, it blows me away. Austen really sets the bar for idealistic romance, she sets the level of romance high and beyond what seems achievable anymore.

Whether you love literature or not, you have to love that letter, just for the pure honesty and raw emotion behind it. Ahhhh I love it.

Literature is an escape from this world to another.

Who said chivalry is dead?

With a world continually spiralling downwards, with war, suffering and injustice around every corner, it's not difficult to hear and make the assumption that "chivalry is dead".

But last night I have the proof to contradict it and to give a little hope to all those out there that want to see more chivalry...

In every club you get pervs-the leering men that think that women are just a piece of meat or 'another one to add to the list' and some women willingly encourage them. But when out with your brother and sisters in Christ it's nice to know that the guys, act as brothers in Christ. I have to say that these guys were all gentlemanly and chivalry. Taking care of each girl and making sure they were cautious and careful, keeping an eye out for those guys that don't even know what chivalry is anymore. Whether it meant swapping places, standing behind them (girls) or just generally being protective, last night showed that there are guys out there that love their sisters in Christ (as sisters) and do the right thing and protect them.

Newday 2007 a general word was given for the boys-

"Brothers don't be passive, protect your sisters in Christ"

I never really saw much fruit amongst the younger guys with concerns to this word, but the older ones seem to have it down. Whilst not always perfect (no-one is) they acted in a way that I know not only I noticed, it is that word down to a tee. I know it may not seem like much to them and perhaps it's just a normal part of their character, but in my own way, I think they deserve a mention, a big thanks and a pat on the back for protecting their sisters.

For the guys last night, the guys to follow their example and all those that want to learn how to be more chivalrous, this blog was for you.

Time...

I've just got back from a morning of lectures and it was the last lecture that got my creative thought processes going. We had a guest speaker who was French and did admittedly sound like Stephen Hawking. But it was a pretty good lecture and I was impressed at the courage he had, to talk his views through in a second language and what I enjoyed even more was the biblical elements he added to it, as he quoted great verses from the Bible, it was impossible not to smile!

So whilst telling us about Shakespeare, an important theme came up...Time. It made the slow cogs in my mind turn and think seriously about time. A topic poets have long written about, singers have sung about and people have thought about and always will. Time never seems to be in abundance, yet we seem to waste it so much it's easy to get the opposite impression. Even now I'm up against the clock, as I have a lecture (again) in half an hour and these thoughts need to motivate my hands to type faster-not that any of this will be particularly profound!

I've spent a whole weekend neglecting time, by reading and relaxing, yet I do wonder whether that is a neglection (yes it's a word ish) of my time, I know others would think so. In the grand scheme of things, life isn't short, despite what people say it's not life that's short, it's time that makes it seem so. I know that in just a few months my first year at uni will have gone and this blog will be in an archive of many many blogs.

I guess we need to learn to treasure time, to make the most of it. To live life to the full and to live meaningful lives-find Jesus and you'll know meaning, believe me!

Because..."Life's not the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away" I love that saying, because I wish every moment was like that, (although I would be very short of breath all of the time) or at least that I would learn to make the most of my time and be grateful for it.

Yeah, so that's it, I don't have time to type any more. (Cheesy!)

At the foot of the cross...

We all need to come back to the cross, at some point of other in our lives. It should be something we come back to daily, something we think of all the time. Yet, with the business of our everyday lives, it's so easy to forget why we're all here and what the basis of our faith depends upon.

Church today looked at impossibilities and how God makes promises to us, to overcome them. We were told the miraculous stories of new children being born, through the impossibility of infertility and reminded how God is "in the adoption business", that we are adopted into His family and are His children. It was a great preach and a great time of fellowship, but it's always easy to take it away and forget it by the time you reach the ol' homestead, which admittedly I did. But while listening to Lifehouse (a great band, check them out) I was reminded of a skit (such an American word) that some people had done to show Jesus' love for us, to one of the band's songs, Everything:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

Please, if there is one thing you do today, check this out.

It brought me back to the cross, and showed me how much God loves me. It shows how He loves us so much He doesn't give up on us, but is always there, through each heavy sin we have in our lives, through every trial and in our darkest hour. It shows how He is continually pulling us to come closer to Him, through the misty haze of sin He keeps pulling and pulling, when all seems hopeless He is the hope, pulling and pulling. When all seems lost He keeps pulling, until He has you in His arms and even then it's not over. He sent His only son, to take all the weight of those sins and put them on Himself, until He could take no more and died. But our God is a God of impossibilities and Jesus rose again 3 days later. Just so that we could be with Him. So we can walk beside Him again, hand in hand and side by side. Isn't that just overwhelmingly amazing?

It is incomprehensible why someone so righteous, glorious and worthy would spend time taking me from darkness just to walk alongside Him, just so I can be His daughter. I'd love to think it's my personality and good looks (ha) that is the reason God wants to be my friend, but He created all that's about me and when I look at it, how can I come before the King of Kings. How can I have the audacity to speak to one so high and mighty?

It's simple in God's eyes, He loves me. He loves you, whether you know it or not. He loves you unconditionally and that is something I don't think I will ever understand, I don't think we're meant to. Knowing all of this, knowing how much my God loves me and wants me, there is nothing I can do but fall on my knees with my face down, in awe of Him. For He is glorious and He is an amazing Father. He made the ultimate sacrifice, that caused the maximum pain and I want to repay Him, I never can and never will be able to, because it's far too immeasurable a thing to 'repay'. But He has my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life seeking first the kingdom of God and living for Him.

So that one day, one day I can walk into heaven and see Him there in all His glory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

Simplicity in a story...

One of my favourite books in the bible is 1 Samuel 3, not because it's short but because of how simple it is, yet packed full of biblical examples of what we should be like and realism.

Lying in bed Samuel hears a voice, not only does he respond, he actually gets up. How is that in anyway amazing?

Well, to me it shows that he could be bothered to get up! So much of our lives are consumed by apathy and laziness (I know I fall victim to this), if someone called my name I think I'd probably roll over and continue sleeping! It also shows that we need to be continually responsive and continually alert to what God is saying to us just as Samuel was, because just as Samuel proves, you never know when and what God is going to speak to you.

And then later on it all 'pays off' when v19 says "As Samuel grew up, the Lord was with him and everything Samuel said was wise and helpful". So when we listen to God, He blesses us, just as He did with Samuel. Let's face it, what an awesome thing to have said about you "everything Samuel said was wise and helpful" I'd love it if everything I said was likewise, 'cos I'm pretty sure most of the time I speak rubbish.

Amazing what a simple story can teach us and that it's those stories that so often we can glance over and not take notice. That's why I love the Bible, it's so much more than just words, it's got so much more depth to it.

God, Guys, Architecture and Questions...

Ok, I know my last blog commended you guys out there and was sympathetic towards you but I feel like I should take it all back. The amount of heartbreak I've heard of over the last couple of days has been immense and as much as I hate to say it, pretty much 90% of the time it was the guy doing the breaking, the manipulating and taking advantage of the girl's heart. But I guess you can blame the girls for falling into the continual trap. Its an endless cycle of heartbreak.

But moving on to greener pastures...I've finished all my many essays and now feel a little freer! I spent the whole of today reading, sitting on a window sill admiring God's glorious sunshine. On Wednesday we went spontaneously to the beach and I was (as per usual) breath taken by the scenery, I love the beach and it never fails to amaze me. I'm like a kid with it, the sea and sand are amazingly good sources of entertainment, God knows me too well!!

Wednesday was a basically a day of having my breath taken away, as I walked around Canterbury Cathedral it was continually striking-the architecture, the clear blue sky and the overwhelming sense of history behind it. Everything, all of it combined made me reflective and pensive and think what an amazing God we have, that someone would build such an awe-striking Cathedral to try and show one snippet of how amazing He is.

What have I done to show how amazing He is? I know it's not about works, but I never thank Him enough (and never will), I never praise Him enough, when every word and action I say and do should be a reflection of it.

He saved me from despair and heartbreaking situations, I'm listening to the song that reminds me what He has brought me out of and what would have been a completely different life. I owe Him everything and I want to spend the rest of my life continually thanking Him.

How will you spend your life? Will yours be a life that is continually thankful or continually bitter? One that looks back at what could have been, with a mournful sigh or one that looks to the future with a smile because you trust God has it in His ever capable hands?

Guys don't stand a chance...

After sitting for the best part of 10 hours of my day watching Pride and Prejudice and similar films I came to the probably unrevolutionary conclusion that in this life, in this age...guys have it tough and guys don't stand a chance!!

We, (woman kind) have ideals and the chick flick industry and fantastic writers like Jane Austen capture those ideals and give them to us on a platter of literary or indeed film genius. The kind of thing that gets all women eating chocolate and wishing their lives were more like that of Elizabeth Bennet, but instead end up having the life more similar to Bridget Jones.

I recall so many conversations that I've had with my father, complaining about "why hasn't he said this?" and "why on earth did he do this?" and "doesn't he understand?" And so many times my father looks at me with a serious face and says "We're men. We're not supposed to get it right." Or along similar lines, to be honest mostly the answer is a simple "We're men" and yeah, he's got a point, how are guys meant to live up to the ideals that women paint.

Jane Austen has got it down to a tee, and that's why I love her books, it's what every (unfeminist) girl loves, the dream of being swept of her feet and having someone fight for you against all the odds, but in the real world...it's just not always realistic. Too often I probably have fallen subject to the delusion theory that one day I will be like Elizabeth Bennet...marry a rich handsome Mr Darcy!! But there comes a point in one's life where you have to look realistically and reassess things.

I've seen all 3 of my brothers struggle at times with women (we're complicated creatures) and they always will. (They're men!) But I'm fed up of idealising how it's all going to be, I'm sure he'll try his best and at the end of the day, no woman ever makes it easy for a man. Ok, so I may be being far too severe on my own sex and far too patronising to the opposite. But I think it is time then we gave men a break, trust me you won't hear this again. But for the moment while my temperature is up and I can blame it on illness there it is...women need to stop idealising and make it easier for guys.

BUT I will say this-there's nothing wrong with a challenge and fighting for us(not to be seen as merely a challenge), being too easy and just letting go of all inhibitions...just not good. I guess I'm not being altogether very coherent and most probably contradictory but "I'm a woman...you're not meant to understand!!".

I just think it's time we see what my father's wise words mean...

"We're just men."-that says it all ;)

Pitter Patter of Feet...

It's been a rough couple of weeks since I've been back at uni. Emotionally I've been taking a beating and the devil has loved it I'm convinced. Going back for my best friend's wedding, was beautiful, I loved being there to share her (and his) special day and see her marry the man she loves. And yeah at weddings you suddenly remember how single you are, when everyone and I mean everyone seems to have someone...I'm sure most of them are hired just for that day...like the Wedding Date-blatantly based on a true story! But yeah, digressed slightly there...

So, have been feeling emotionally drained, ok been feeling low (lets be honest now!) but I woke up one morning and a new hope, a new motivation, a new look on life hit me...the scan for my brother and sister-in-law's baby.

They had their 12 week scan and sent through the pictures, and there I just saw this miracle right before my eyes, a 15cm all living, all breathing magnificent baby-with its feet in the air and hands my his/her head chilling away in her womb. Amazing. It's incredible, something so small growing inside of her and that in 6 months it'll be out in the world...and I'll be an Auntie. God knows this child already, before any of us even know its sex. How astounding is that?!

So, my mood lifted and so did the music...from quietly depressing to joyful music...and a new thought process...I'm going to be an Auntie and God is amazing!! That baby has got to be one of the most amazing miracles ever, all babies are...we all are.

Hazy shade of mind...

I have not written much recently, but it does not mean that my mind hasn't been full of thoughts or my life no longer full of dilemmas. In fact, both are the reasons why I haven't written recently, my mind has been too full to put into comprehensible words, actually the number of drafts I have has begun to pile up with the number of unfinished entries to match the number of unfinished thoughts I appear to have.

Let's start with my current state of mind, and believe me it's an odd one. The essay due for tomorrow) has once again drained me of all optimism, strength and brain cells, I can no longer process what it is I am meant to write, but perhaps after blogging and getting all this weight off my mind there will be (somewhere at the back) some remnants of helpful essay thoughts. In my utter desperation and helplessness I slumped on my desk with my head in my hands, utterly stuck and it was when a friend hugged me and held me that it hit me, there are three things anyone needs to survive in this life.

1. God. Whilst curled up, like a child on my bed, trying to take myself somewhere else I asked God never to leave me and he replied "I never have and I never will". Good, because I cannot cope without Him, I cannot do this whole uni thing without Him. He is my rock.
2. Friends and Family-they count as one, because your family should be your friends too. Without the physical presence of friends and someone to hold you and just lay there next to you and just be there, you'd feel more alone and upset than before.
3. Character. You have to have character to get through this life, passivity will get you nowhere and it is only by trying that we succeed or fail. Either way.

These are the things I believe I need and I have to get through life. Every time I look on my ceiling I see these words "NEVER GIVE UP" and I smile, because I know that it is there for moments like that. So, with my mind slowly becoming less hazy I'm once again going to try at this essay.

I just want to stand on a mountain or run across a valley and feel freedom again, not my gilded cage of essays and uni work. I'm a first year student, and I'm sure no-one else felt like this, being an English student makes it worse I'm sure, because I give way to poetic license far too often! Next time I blog, I'll fill you in on all the rest...Yippee!!