Hazy shade of mind...

I have not written much recently, but it does not mean that my mind hasn't been full of thoughts or my life no longer full of dilemmas. In fact, both are the reasons why I haven't written recently, my mind has been too full to put into comprehensible words, actually the number of drafts I have has begun to pile up with the number of unfinished entries to match the number of unfinished thoughts I appear to have.

Let's start with my current state of mind, and believe me it's an odd one. The essay due for tomorrow) has once again drained me of all optimism, strength and brain cells, I can no longer process what it is I am meant to write, but perhaps after blogging and getting all this weight off my mind there will be (somewhere at the back) some remnants of helpful essay thoughts. In my utter desperation and helplessness I slumped on my desk with my head in my hands, utterly stuck and it was when a friend hugged me and held me that it hit me, there are three things anyone needs to survive in this life.

1. God. Whilst curled up, like a child on my bed, trying to take myself somewhere else I asked God never to leave me and he replied "I never have and I never will". Good, because I cannot cope without Him, I cannot do this whole uni thing without Him. He is my rock.
2. Friends and Family-they count as one, because your family should be your friends too. Without the physical presence of friends and someone to hold you and just lay there next to you and just be there, you'd feel more alone and upset than before.
3. Character. You have to have character to get through this life, passivity will get you nowhere and it is only by trying that we succeed or fail. Either way.

These are the things I believe I need and I have to get through life. Every time I look on my ceiling I see these words "NEVER GIVE UP" and I smile, because I know that it is there for moments like that. So, with my mind slowly becoming less hazy I'm once again going to try at this essay.

I just want to stand on a mountain or run across a valley and feel freedom again, not my gilded cage of essays and uni work. I'm a first year student, and I'm sure no-one else felt like this, being an English student makes it worse I'm sure, because I give way to poetic license far too often! Next time I blog, I'll fill you in on all the rest...Yippee!!