Another year...

As we're coming to the end of another year, I've started to get nostalgic.

When I look at this past year, it has been quite a spectacular journey, as I guess each year is.

Despite lots of lows and lots of difficulties in everything I can see God's handiwork. I see a small part of His plan and I have so much to thank Him for.

This year I've taken risks, failed and succeeded, been hurt and hurt others, seen illness, felt illness and seen healings, been the happiest I can be and been the saddest I can be, grown and seen change and in it all is God.

I have no regrets from this year, (a bold statement to make) even the rubbish parts I can see the positives and I can see areas that I've grown as a result of 'mistakes'. When I think about everything God has done for me this year, it fills me with awe and joy.

I'm so grateful that He wasn't just with me for the start of the year, but through it all and next year will be the same. I don't know what it brings, but I know God will be right by my side and I'll look back again in December 2011 and be once again thankful and eternally grateful to Him for everything I've learned.

It's great to have a constant companion that has been with me through all the situations, through all the ones I vividly remember to those I've long forgotten. He has blessed me majorly this year.

If you've had a 'terrible' year, you need God. Because as cheesy as it sounds, all the bad stuff seems insignificant when you give it to God and can have Him to throw it on. He never tires of being by your side, of listening to you and the thing that gets me is that He has felt everything I have and understands it all.

I could have wished things differently and wanted things to work out differently but I know that there is a purpose to each and every event that took place.

I may not have felt like I achieved much this year in certain areas, but I know that God sees the bigger picture and that 2010 isn't just another year in my life, but is a year of huge purpose.

Goodbye 2010 and bring on a new year with more things to learn, a God to hunger and thirst for even more and a year to be even more thankful for despite every challenge that awaits.

'Cos I'm sticking with you...

"Nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.

Death can't, life can't.

The angels can't and rulers can't.

Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean—Nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

A verse I know so well, but mix it with fresh revelation of what that statement actually means and WOW!

Just weigh up that verse.

It's incredible! I can't 'escape' God's love and I don't want to! There are always times where we just feel that life is getting on top of us, but no matter how big my problems get, no matter the battles I face I can't be separated from God! I just think that is amazing!

In death I can still know God's love and in life too, not even the powers of hell and darkness and evil can separate me! No power is enough to separate me from my beautiful, holy, majestic, heavenly Father and God. How amazing is it-that a God so great will never let me go and that nothing can ever break that bond. Nothing.

No matter what is thrown at you and no matter how tough it all gets read that verse with faith and let it bring peace and joy to your heart.

It may not be an eloquent blog, but it's full of heart!

Our Future in God's Hands...

So today I finally completed my application form for the course I want to do next year. I feel surprisingly calm and at peace about it all. As I sent it off I will admit that I said a quick prayer, but it is so good to know that God has my future in His hands.

I don't have to worry about how bad the personal statement might have been or how long the reference takes to come through, because I totally trust in Him. If all this falls through I know that He knows what is going to happen and although I will feel completely lost He'll organise something that is potentially better for me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have an author to my life. If I wrote my own story, my own life would have far more mistakes than it already has had and overall let's face it I wouldn't be as happy as I am.

What safer hands to be in then that of the Creator of the universe?!

So it's time to loosen up, let it go and trust in God. My future is His.

'The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9 (ESV) "We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall." Proverbs 16:33 (NLT)

Calm in the Storm...

My head is going mental at the moment, so many things are happening and going on that my brain is physically frying as I try to think about every single thing. I'm analysing situations, worrying about future decisions, past decisions and I'm so so tired.

But it's in these times that I am so grateful for God. He is my confident, the one I cry to and the one I can tell everything, from the most shameful to what I feel are the most proud moments. I'm learning more and more that people will always fail and disappoint you, but God never does and never will.

He never makes me sad, never hurts me and is always there to listen. When I feel at my most vulnerable and feeling more alone than ever He is there.

He is the comforting arm that wraps itself around me and the comforting voice that says "I am always here, I love you".

No matter the hour, the problem or the state I'm in He is there and always will be.

I can't tell you how amazing it is to have that. Without Him I am nothing, I would be even more of a state than I am currently and I wouldn't have the greatest friend in the world.

I love my God.

In the torrent of emotions, He is my anchor and He is my peace.

Nothing profound today folks, just a complete an utter thankful heart to my best friend for always being there and for being the greatest.

I love God and I am so glad He loves me.

"Break my heart, for what breaks yours"...

So as the previous blog stated I've been effected by the idea of being in anguish for God.

It is so sad and yet so true that we have become desensitised and dare I say 'used to' the terrible things happening in the world around us. It is so easy now to detach ourselves from them, particularly if they are abroad and not happening to us, it can all just seem as though it is worlds apart. But as was brought up today, we need to be affected by it.

We need to see injustice and ache for better, I want to watch the news and have a genuine heart for the people I see on it, not just a twang of sympathy. No, much more.

It is a dangerous desire, to want to be ruined by God and to have a weeping heart for the evil in this world. I feel like I've got 'used to' seeing it all and shut myself away.

I'm really good at running away from things; feelings, situations and procrastinating until it is just a faint memory; but after today I don't think I want that or can do that anymore.

God has given us hearts to feel what He feels when He looks down at this world. "Break my heart, for what breaks yours", lyrics I've sung before but now they penetrate me and make me stop and genuinely want it.

I want my heart to be so in tune with God's that when I see oppressed women or broken homes, I don't want to think of it as 'the norm' but I want to melt with the desperation for those situations, I want to ache and pray fervently for better.

I want to long and weep and fight for better.

It's dangerous and dare I say radical to want to live like that, but I want it. I will never feel anguish like Jesus did and that is the worst it could be. If you haven't already, check out David Wilkerson on Anguish: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGMG_PVaJoI

Jeremiah wept for his city, he cried out to God to save his nation, his neighbours, to save them despite the evil in those places.

I don't remember the last time I did that. I want to weep and wail for those that are hurting and broken and lost.

Goodbye to my old heart of stone and hello heart of flesh.

Blessed are those that mourn...

Tom Shaw preached at City Church Canterbury today, a fantastic preach full of emotion and hard-hitting truth that left me and I'm sure others were deeply effected by such an incredible preach. To get a glimpse of some of the hard hitting stuff check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGMG_PVaJoI

To listen to Tom's preach (which is well worth it) check out the link below:

http://www.thecitychurch.org.uk/downloads/audio/tccc_sun_101010.mp3

In every season...

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

This is my prayer in the harvest
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

It doesn't matter what season of life you're in or what kind of week you've had, at the end of the day our worship is to do with God and how great He is, not how we feel. Worship should flow from our mouths no matter the situation, it's difficult but our God is worthy of praise 24/7!

God the Father...

Whilst reading Jeremiah 3 yesterday I came across the following verses and was truly amazed at them...

"Come home to me again, for I am merciful. I will not be angry with you forever...Return home, you wayward children..." (v12,14)

"I thought to myself; 'I would love to treat you as my own children!' I wanted nothing more than to give you this beautiful land - the finest inheritance in the world. I looked forward to your calling me 'Father'." (v19)

"My wayward children', says the Lord, 'Come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts". (v22)

How incredibly beautiful is that? A great big God who created all of nature and our very being is desperate for a relationship with us. He doesn't care how far we've strayed or how little we acknowledge Him, He just simply wants us to call Him 'Father', and to treat us, because we are His children. Wow.

His desperation to have us near is so clear here and even clearer when He sent Jesus to die on the cross. He is merciful and despite our constant screw ups and disappointments all He wants is us. That is mind blowing!

Why would such an incredible, mighty, glorious God want a relationship with me? Better yet, not just a mild acquaintance but a relationship where I can call Him 'Father' and He calls me His own, His child. There is no better place to put hope or identity in than that.

My identity is found in that relationship, I can call the master of the whole universe my Dad and He longs to have me near. He calls me home and one day His home will be mine too.

Those verses demonstrate a determined, devoted, loving and wonderful Father, who is also my glorious King who I long to praise all my days.

No matter your experience of Fatherhood there is a God calling you home and calling you His own.

A Father that has given infinitely more than anyone will or has ever given.

A Father that can hold mountains in His hands and shelter you from the raging storms.

A Father that never leaves, never forsakes and loves you through everything.

What a Father!

Great Expectations...

So the previous blog was centered around the Holy Spirit and it led me to think more about expectations. Recently I've been challenged on my expectations of God, how small they are in comparison to such a mighty God.

So as a true sceptic I thought I'd test the water! On a Thursday at 7.30AM a group of us have started to meet together to pray, (nothing tests your faith more than an early morning prayer session!) on the eve of the first one I decided to get behind it in prayer and be expectant. It's funny how it always feels 'dangerous' to go expectant to something for the fear it will fall flat on its face and be rubbish. But as I began to pray about the meeting my faith was stirred and all thoughts of God disappointing me dissipated. Who am I to be disappointed in God?

It occurred to me, that He never disappoints, and if I ever claim He does, I'm where the issue lies. I have no problem saying and admitting how foolish and stupid my thoughts are at times.

As I prayed my faith increased and all negative thoughts vanished, God started to use my heart and mind and turn the negative, fearful areas into something way more fruitful and useful. It made getting up in the morning so much easier and allowed me to go with a positive heart! Where I had asked (rather 'riskily') to step out, God gave me the opportunities (although not the best delivery, God saw my heart!) and where I'd asked for us to be impacted by the time we'd left, He'd done it (certainly for me).

So being expectant of God gained me everything and lost me nothing.

How stupid to think I'd put Him in a box because of my fear and insecurities! As if my God is brought to a grinding halt at them, they are no obstacle for Him.

So here is my challenge:

Be radical in what you pray for...expect it to happen!

Never put God in a box, He deserves more than to be put in your silly box!

When you expect great things, great things will happen, maybe not in your timing or in your way, but in His way-1000 times better.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV) - Hallelujah!!!

And as William Carey said "Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God".

Holy Spirit...

Recently I've been reading Joy Unspeakable by D. Martyn Lloyd Jones-a very challenging and interesting read! It is very much focused on the Holy Spirit and different aspects of it. Jones talks of being continually expectant of the Holy Spirit in our day to day lives and that although sometimes the Holy Spirit can seem more prevalent in centuries gone by it just simply isn't the case.

I have to confess that of late I've become way too content with my expectations of the Holy Spirit, it is once I read Jones' words that I realised what I'm missing out on and it revealed a truth I'd long forgotten, apparently! I so often get into the frame of mind just waiting for a Sunday morning, praying before hand to experience the Holy Spirit, as though the previous 6 days didn't need the Holy Spirit!

I know that I can experience the Holy Spirit daily, for he is my "helper" and yet I so often glide over that fact. Whilst cleaning I had a real encounter with the Holy Spirit and since then, I've been so aware of my foolish thinking. I was mopping a floor and I encountered God! Crazy! He encounters us in the mundane and during the exciting times.

As believers and children of God the Holy Spirit is within us, he is in every inch of us.

I guess this blog is more a realisation than anything else!

The Holy Spirit is within me, so I want to make the most of it! I want to be effected more and more, day through day by it. The Holy Spirit isn't just for a Sunday morning, nor just the times of great spiritual excitement, it is for the mundane times, the quiet times and all the other times in between.

Gosh, imagine what would happen if my expectations of the Holy Spirit each day were completely wild! Imagine the possibilities!

Our God is a Faithful God...

Our God is a faithful God! He is always with us, every season of our lives, every minute of the day and every area of the world!!

If I wake up in the middle of the night I can talk to Him and know that He is there. On the busy street as my thoughts turn to Him, He is there.

What an amazing God!! That someone so powerful, mighty and incredible takes time to go everywhere with me!! As I looked at in couple of blogs ago, He is a God that cares for me, but as if that wasn't enough He goes everywhere with me! I don't deserve even a second of His time let alone the fact I can call on Him whenever.

How ridiculous?!

He is always there, He is always listening, He cares and He loves us, yet He is the greatest and most high!

My God is amazing!!

I love it when those seemingly small truths come back to hit me in the face and I realise over and over again how incredible they truly are!

Too often do I become complacent with those truths, I love fresh revelations of His love!

Running the race, not alone, but together...

"When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours." Romans 1:12 (NLT)

I was on Skype earlier to my friend who has been out in South Africa for about 4 months now and having just got off of it, it is time to reflect...

The above verse written by Paul is such a challenge to us,to encourage one another in our faith and to help each other run the race. When talking to my friend I am continually inspired to change my bad characteristics, to push myself more and to seek God further; as I see her faith grow more and more I want mine to do the same. When I see how God has provided for her out there, and how she is so dependent on Him I can't help but be inspired, and I'd like to think even if it is only small I can inspire and encourage her to continue and increase what she's doing already.

Running the Christian race doesn't have to be a lonely one; for one, we have God right beside us, running by our sides as it were and secondly we have our brothers and sisters running too. When others lag behind it may seem easier to continue running, but if we're to do as Paul writes, we need to go back, pick them up where they've fallen and encourage them to continue, because you never know, that kindness may need to be returned when we fall ourselves.

In a world so bitter and mocking it is important that we spur each other on, that in times of trouble we say that little encouraging word that can make all the difference.

When was the last time you encouraged someone? I know for me, it was far too long ago!

Take one challenge today and encourage someone, spur them on in the race and run along side them. If you legs feel weary and you're struggling to carrying on, there's a God who loves you and there's people running with you, who love you and will pick you up and help you.

"So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet. Then those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong" Hebrews 12:12-13 (NLT)

A Great BIG God cares about tiny, little us...

So I may not have blogged in a while and the expectation to write something profound is probably quite high, but I only have something simple to say, profound in its own right.

Our God is a GREAT BIG God who cares about the little things!

As I stand on the precipice looking down at the next few weeks of future-defining exams and essays, God once again stands beside me and holds me back from blindly jumping!

I've lost sleep due to stress and the more I try to revise the more upset I get as nothing goes in and nothing happens. Today as I sat down and began to revise I simply asked God to bless my revision session and to make my brain work and absorb and remember things-it was a pretty desperate prayer and in some senses I was already feeling defeated, but my God is not defeated! Exams don't scare or deter Him.

So as I began revising, talking it through to myself I remembered a technical word and was amazed at how I remembered it. As I looked it up to double check I rejoiced at the fact that I remembered, call it luck, call it coincidence, call it nothing ...but it was God! My brain is so fried and yet He helped me remember a word from so long ago.

Although my God is a great big God He cares about the smallest of things that mean the most to us. He cares about all our worries, problems and desires.

A God bigger than the universe cares about lil ol' me and about lil ol' you!

He may be a great BIG God, but He cares about the little things and has a BIG heart for You.

1 Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." (NLT)

Dietrich Bonhoeffer...

I came across the name Dietrick Bonhoeffer and decide to do a bit of research, it was whilst looking at his quotes that it hit me, this guy really gets it. He really gets what it is to be a Christian, what it is to live for God-to surrender all and live a life that is God centered and God consumed. He makes so many good points that we can all learn from:

"Earthly possessions dazzle our eyes and delude us into thinking that they can provide security and freedom from anxiety. Yet all the time they are the very source of anxiety."

"Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others, we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as ourselves."

"Only he who believes is obedient and only he who is obedient believes."

Now I know this blog entry is hardly a masterpiece but you have to admit they're challenging quotes at least! They're not telling and condemning us on how we should live our lives but rather inspiring us.

Check out Dietrich Bonhoeffer (even if it is just a quick glimpse on Wikipedia), he led a truly inspirational and amazing life.

Smith Wigglesworth...

“Live ready. If you have to get ready when the opportunity comes your way, you’ll be too late. Opportunity doesn’t wait, not even while you pray. You must not have to get ready, you must live ready at all times. Be filled with the Spirit; that is, be soaked with the Spirit. Be so soaked that every thread in the fabric of your life will have received the requisite rule of the Spirit – then when you are misused and squeezed to the wall, all that will ooze out of you will be the nature of Christ.”

What a quote!

The List goes on and on...

During the worship in small group this week we decided to thank God for all He had done for us in 2009 and to write it down...

God does so much for us, now that may seem an obvious statement (or perhaps not), but I looked over this piece of paper and was bowled over once again by what He did for me just last year. I didn't even remember everything, not to mention the amount He's done for me over my whole life! The list had the really big things to even the smallest things, but whether it was big, small or seemingly insignificant, there was so much to be thankful for.

I don't thank Him enough.

Already we've said goodbye to one month of 2010 and the list of thank you's is ever growing! There's not a single day that doesn't require thanks, just to be breathing and living another day is cause for thanks enough!

I don't understand Him. I don't understand why He helped me so much last year and will do this year and all the years of my life. Even the low points of last year I look back on with great thanks, because I learnt so much from them! Our God is a mystery, why does He bless us so much? Why is He so good to us? As if sending His son to die a brutal death on a cross wasn't enough, He blesses us every single day, whether you realise it or not. Whether you thank Him or not.

I can never thank Him enough for Jesus' death, I can never thank Him enough for the daily blessings He pours on me, including His daily grace and mercy-just to add to the pile.

Can you believe how generous our Father is? He just keeps on lavishing us with gifts, the gift of tough times, good times, new days, big things, little things and everything in between.

If that doesn't bowl you back, take your breath away and make you think, then you better take a proper good look at the cross and read about what God did for you and does for you, daily.

Thirsty?!

Tom Shaw preached today on "Christus Exempler", it was a challenging and passionate preach, but it wasn't until the end that I really got choked up. Tom made a call for all those that were thirsty and wanted a fresh filling of the holy spirit to come forward. He said he thought it would effect a large number, but I'm not sure whether he thought the whole congregation would come forward!

As I took a look around there were only 5 or 6 people left in the rows and the rest of the church had come forward and spilled out into the aisles. I've seen this at Newday, Mobilise and other conferences but it was incredible to see the bride so passionate and thirsty. My family so thirsty, to know I'm in a passionate church.

As I looked around I was overwhelmed by the longing of the hearts around me and the desperation for more of God. It brought back to me a word I gave about a year ago:

"Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? I want your whole heart, I don't want to be a Sunday thing, I want to be in the 24 hours in everyday and in every decision you make."

It highlighted to me that the more thirsty we are and the more we seek God the more we grow as He gives us the Holy Spirit daily.

We need to be longing for God with our whole hearts and constantly running the race with passion and zeal. I'm not passionate enough everyday, I don't long for God desperately every day. As that word above says God needs to be in every decision in every minute and hour, in every day.

Strive to be passionate about God everyday, strive to long after Him, to be desperate for Him, strive for greater intimacy with God.

Run the race.

Melodious Truths...

Jesus Culture, All I Need is You: www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvL6evyRFgY

Jesus Culture, How He Loves Us: www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps&feature=PlayList&p=96CF8664E9009E00&index=0&playnext=1

Hillsong, This Is Our God: www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlrrHoM_tUU