Eternal Listener...

We live in a world that is driving us to be independent, to be our own island and that it is Me, Myself and I that can get us through everything. 'It is me and me alone that I can rely upon', and time after time when we are let down and hurt all we are left with is ourselves.

I don't buy it. Any of it.

Ipad, Ipod, Iphone. I don't need just 'I' I need something/someone to support me, hold me, challenge me and pick me up. Call me dependent, weak or even pathetic but I'd rather struggle knowing that I can and am able to place my burdens on someone else than knowing I'm struggling and there is no-one to help me. The latter isn't freedom or independence; that is loneliness. That is sad. That breaks my heart.

And yet for all those people, that are on the brink of utter despair from the loneliness and the devastation that it brings there is the simplest solution...

He is all I've ever needed, He is all I will ever need and He is the bearer of all my thoughts, tears, cries and problems...

God.

It may seem like the obvious answer if you've ever read my previous blogs or it may seem like the most ridiculous answer that's ever been suggested.

But God sent His only son to die brutally and excruciatingly on the cross just so He could be closer to YOU. Just so that you never have to feel alone again, just so that when you are are upset or angry you can tell Him and He can listen.

An eternal, faithful, steadfast friend. Can't ask better than that!? Ask yourself this: IF any of that is true, wouldn't it be amazing? IF He was there 24/7; next time you closed the door and showed the mess you really are and feel, wouldn't it be great to tell someone about it who wouldn't judge or sneer or be distracted?

In a world where people struggle to sacrifice a minute of their time or even to let someone out of a junction knowing there is a God who wants to listen is pretty flippin' amazing don't you think?

Answers from God...

I was looking back over some notes from Mobilise and I come across this conversation that I've had with God. My memory is often fuzzy, so a pat on the back for writing it down. It was so refreshing and funny to read it and to be reminded of it again.

I could have asked a million deeper questions or requested something massive, but in this instance I asked a very weak and pathetic 'what if' question. As if the God of the universe needs to listen to a 'what if' question!

To give a little context to the conversation (which, perhaps rather riskily I will put up) a friend of mine is going through a really hard time and is in a difficult situation, which does not make it massively easy from where I am to support them. But, God has given me this friendship and a heart for this person so it is my responsibility and should be my joy to support them.

Context briefly given, the conversation went a little like this (with no gender specifics to make it a bit more anonymous):

"You are to be their support and their friend"

Me-"But what if they turn me away?"

"Then you keep trying. You keep fighting. You don't lose hope."

Granted it was a short and sweet conversation, but there is little more to be said when God Almighty says something as incredible like that to you.

I still find it incredible that even with a simple, weak question like that, God takes the time of day to listen and answer. Its with those words that I know what God wants me to do and it's clear that God has given me the privilege of such an influential position in that person's life.

I just love the fact that Job moaned, Jonah ran, I questioned...and He answered us all.

God's Steadfast Love vs. Human's Wavering Heart...

So today I heard some potentially bad news, but on reflection I found myself praising God for it. He blessed me with the most amazing conversation, that set everything straight in my head and brought great clarity to me. What a great God I have!

I came away thinking how amazing is His love!? It is constant and steadfast and never changing.

On Earth we go through constant change in love and our interaction with people and yet God remains the same. When one day we could love one person and the next be broken-hearted, God continues in His love for us and never takes it away.

Being loved by someone is undoubtedly one of the greatest feelings in the world, so imagine how incredible it is to be loved by the one that made you and planned and numbered your days!

Our love can be fleeting and wavering but God's love never is, how incredible! I hurt God constantly with my foolish ways and yet He loves me unconditionally, not because He's weak and needs me, but because He knows how much I need Him.

His love encompasses me and brings me peace and comfort. And it is with that happy thought that I am going to bed!

Goodbye Comfort Zone!

This is the year that I have been waiting for, the year that I knew was going to happen and the year that was totally all God's doing.

Now that it is here I'm beginning to understand that this year is going to be more than just teaching, it's going to be me growing hugely. I may say that at the start of every term but I truly can see it happening already.

Aside from the academic side of things and delving into the spiritual side; God is challenging me and I'm not really sure where my comfort zone is anymore. In the past few months I can see a drastic change in myself; more so than the past few years combined in some ways.

It started with the little things, but now I'm seeing that its spilling over onto the big things. God is teaching me to swallow the little (foolish and undeserved) pride I had and to go for it!

I've left the realms of ease behind and I'm putting myself out on the ledge of discomfort.

Granted, not in all areas. When it comes to matters of the heart I am still trying to leave it in God's hands, and His lack of response is teaching me to be patient and to chill out about it. Again, another trait that is evolving in me.

Take last Sunday, I was asked to pray for people and it was through being chucked in the deep end that I did! Not through my strength, I can assure you but through His! My journey home was spent praising God at the top of my voice in my car, because of how thankful I am for the opportunity. A purely God-given opportunity. I'm not sure what's happening to me, but I think I've switched on. I think God has shaken me up and is pushing me to reach the potential He has for me.

I can see now that the last years have been the ground work and now I'm starting to see the harvest. Starting to see the fruition of a word given to me a while ago; ahhh God's jigsaw is starting to make sense to my little eyes. And to think...before the world began He knew every piece of it!

The latest word for me is the one that I am going to end on:

"This is a new season of standing on the edge and testing the waters. Get ready to say goodbye to the comfort zone!"

Gulp! I'll let you know how it goes! (12.10.11)

Inspiring Women...

Recently at a prayer meeting I was in a small prayer group with my close friend and two older ladies. Admittedly my first choice of 'prayer partners' would have been my close friends but having these two women proved to be a real blessing. Both of these women are mothers and wives and it was incredible being prayed for by them.

Straight away they volunteered to pray for me and began laying their hands on me. It was amazing! They prayed with such conviction, power and expectation that I felt ashamed to have been so passive and faithless. Their prayers over me were so full of love and anticipation that I was taken unawares and God really met with me. They spoke into my life with wisdom and full of caring hearts that I felt privileged to be prayed for by them.

It highlighted to me their importance within the church family and how crucial they are to its growth and character. It is so easy to look up to those in the spotlight, but its the mothers and the wives that have brought up families and been steadfast wives throughout the years that I want to give praise to today.

These women put me to shame with their seemingly boundless faith and their high levels of expectations; their age and past experiences haven't made them cynical or faithless, rather it has made them more full of faith. And there I was 20 years their junior struggling to be expectant at all. It's women like that, that I aspire to be like; the women that have fought long battles, been strongholds during storms and have stood steadfast through it all to come out the other side as strong women of God; warriors ready to fight and full of faith on God's adventure.

They deserve honouring.

I want to be a warrior as they are; to bring up a united family, that loves and serves one another, to have a strong marriage that can take the unpredictability of life, to be prayerful and in that be expectant and full of faith and no matter what the past has been like to look forward to the future and be constantly in love with God.

Today this blog is for you, you incredible women of God. I aspire to someday be as priceless as you are, for you truly are a rarity.

Job (1)...

Whilst talking with a friend the other day we both came to the rather sorry conclusion that whilst back in our hometown our relationships with God become a little more static. We have so much time on our hands and yet instead of using it to pray or read the Bible etc we spend it aimlessly watching films or sleeping! I realised that I hadn't read my Bible in quite a while and therefore set about changing that unfortunate fact.

Since the Mobilise conference I've been thinking about reading Job, now I wondered about whether reading something perhaps a little easier; something less challenging, something that I knew really well and could easily get through within a few days. Admittedly it was a stupid attitude to have and I started Job despite my initial reservations and I am so glad I did...I haven't been able to put it down! It's an amazing book and I wish I had shown more enthusiasm for it!

I find it incredible how Job handles his loss and pain but also how He speaks to God. He doesn't hold back. He is not shy or reserved before His God and thinking about it why should he be? After all God knows His thoughts and feelings, so why should he suppress them and pretend? God is our Father, our comforter, maker and friend so why hold back when all He wants is to be involved in every aspect of our lives and have a deep relationship with us. Job is admittedly foolish in some of the things that he accuses God of, but it is undoubtedly immensely accurate to the human emotion. He expresses questions and anger at God that we all at some point have done. What makes it more interesting is that His friends try to talk sense into him but he refuses to listen and continues his ranting towards God, desperately waiting for an answer.

I'm up to chapter 26 and God still hasn't answered and Job is still moaning. It's amazing reading how such a Godly man is struggling to accept all that has come his way and how he openly argues with God. It makes me realise how silly we are to argue with God but also how it is our human nature to question God. It is simply amazing that God doesn't just destroy us when we complain, but He takes it on and listens and listens and listens. There will be more on Job as I read on!

Stay awake...

It has been so easy to sit inside a Christian bubble and believe that although bad things happen to everyone, there are some things that just don't happen to Christians. As I've grown up and become a little wiser and more knowledgeable I know it's not true. It's been dangerous (not to mention foolish) when I've lived in the attitude of thinking that these things won't affect my church, my friends or my family. And it's when I've had this naive attitude that I've let my guard down and I am taken by surprise when a bad circumstance does come along.

I've realised that we are in late times and in these late times we are facing struggles more and more.

I've learned that I need to stay awake and alert and to be aware of all that goes on around me.

Be vigilant. Be wary.

It's when we take our eyes off the ultimate prize that we slip from the road, I need to keep my eyes on Jesus but still maintain the reality that I am not invincible that there will be circumstances that are thrown in my path that will trip me up and that may not be very pleasant.

I've stayed asleep too long in my own bubble, and it's time to pinch myself and realise that I do live in a very real world with very real hurt and pain.

Processing all that has been said...

It's been a hectic week down on the coast! I've been in Brighton with thousands to meet, learn and worship an incredible God!
I'm sitting in the car now slowly processing all that has happened and how I feel about it. God has been speaking to me so much and challenging me but it's not until now that it's starting to sink in!

So keep your eye out, because no doubt I'll be blogging all about it

Church on the Farm...

After a weekend of camping; braving the mud, the rain and the wind it's amazing to come back to dry ground (and a house) to reflect over all the things that have happened and how much God really speaks.

Camping with local churches who are passionate about seeing God in their towns is incredible. It's impossible to be bored or even apathetic about God and about seeing His kingdom spread in our towns!

I went to the weekend not knowing what to expect but what a great place to be! Not confined by pathetic human expectations but totally open to whatever God has for me! God blew me away massively with what He wanted to speak to me about. My mind was racing for the first section of the weekend with trivial matters and it wasn't until God shook me up and reminded me that He was the reason that I was there and that all the other things I was thinking about were simply menial and unimportant.

I love the fact that comedy is totally owned by God, He has a great sense of humour! Whilst worshipping I looked on the floor to see a beetle upside down and was strangely drawn to it. As I sat down to look at the poor thing God spoke to me. He told me to help it to its feet.

Needless to say my response was pretty disgusted;

"God you really want me to touch this thing? During worship? It's a beetle. Erm..really?" But following God is stepping out, and to be honest you just have to look through the Bible to see weirder and much harder things that Christians have done for God. So a little freaked out I helped the beetle to its feet and watched. I don't know what I expected, perhaps for it to start talking to me and say 'Thanks' or whether it would turn into a person or something! I watched the beetle and watched it slowly headbutt a big cable again and again and sat and waited...then God's explanation came. And it fitted perfectly:

"Just as you helped him to his feet, I'll help you to yours. You may headbutt the wall a couple of times but I'm watching you and I'll help you back on the way."

Who'd have thought a little beetle could inspire so much?!

It just goes to show that God uses everything and anything to help us on our way. Our God is an inventive God, after all He did invent the universe and everything in it! So don't go waiting for big cliche things to happen, 'cos God loves to surprise!

Attitudes...

At the beginning of the week I blogged about seizing opportunities and making the most of the challenges that come your way and well, this week has proved to be a challenge and a half. It's been difficult to say the least, but ever the optimist it's all good practice and helps to build the character no doubt.

Truthfully this week's major battle has been with my attitude. A situation occurred that sparked off issues that I've had to deal with as a result. (Apologises for the ambiguity but I don't want to be naming and shaming.)

I hate talking about attitude because it always makes me feel like a grumpy teenager, but to be honest, our attitudes are important. I've struggled this week to keep my temper and to keep my frustration under control. I am rarely an angry person and I am not confrontational unless completely necessary, so when I say that this week I've struggled with anger and frustration it is more of an internal battle than anything else.

I find it so hard to cope with being helpless. This week I've had to bite my tongue and just deal with the fact that no matter how close you feel you are to someone, sometimes (or all the time as it currently feels) they just don't want to tell you what is wrong with them. I totally understand the whole 'bottling up thing' I've lived that way most of my life! But I still tell close friends the real things that are bothering me, not just because they want to help but because it's a release and shows that you trust and respect them when you're at your most vulnerable.

This week when a friend just pretended everything was alright and refused to admit anything was wrong it wound me up massively. Not only did it clearly affect her but it upset and affected me and how I lived on a daily basis. It's infuriating to know that I can't help, that if I'm the root of the problem I am making it worse by not knowing and I can't help stop the issue; it's infuriating because I care for them and want to help. My prayers seem weak and pathetic; "Please help so and so with whatever is wrong..." it just doesn't seem enough.

The anger soon subsided into feeling insulted and upset, feeling under appreciated and that our friendship is only a one-way street, and that I can't be trusted enough to help.

Needless to say that this week has drained me; struggling to maintain the right focus and I've had to keep coming back to God and asking for His help to straighten my attitude out. I'm still grappling with it now, and so I guess this blog does little to add to your daily readings other than to show you where I am right now.

Attitudes are important to get right, they effect your mood and how people perceive you. I know that this feeling of frustration and insult isn't going to go away from just blogging, or even from just having prayed a couple of times over the past week. This is one of those things that I need to pray about day in and day out. I need to battle it and face it head on, never forgetting or neglecting the power it can have over my life.

Serving...

Whilst having a casual conversation about church and serving I received a challenge to serve more. Although perhaps not the initial intention it struck a chord with me and I realised that my church is not benefiting from everything I have to offer.

At my home church I serve in several different areas and (in general) I'm on the main events if people need me. (Please don't misread this as a boasting blog believe me it is far from that.) But it occurred to me that serving is the one area I feel confident in. I come across as a confident, outgoing person but there is something I find so beautiful, humbling and rewarding from serving and going unnoticed. I was challenged therefore that being on one team isn't necessarily enough.

For the people that I care most about I would do almost anything for them, and likewise my church deserves the same mentality. Today I served on a children's team, and although from past experiences I have found it a little boring and repetitive I was reminded why I fell in love with it. It is a challenge undoubtedly, talking to younger children isn't my forte but there was something incredible about praying with them and trying to explain to them aspects of the Gospel. How do you explain grace to a 6 year old? Definitely something that will keep you on your toes.

Today I've been struck with what I can offer to God's church. God created me perhaps not with many talents but as I have been told, not all talents are those that are categorised in the arts and crafts. Some come in people skills, thinking outside the box, serving and teaching.

I'm starting to see (maybe a little late) that God wants me to do more, learn more, teach more and serve more. It's totally out of my comfort zone; scary and I'm not entirely sure I can do it, but at the end of the day I'd rather try hard for the kingdom and fail than sit back and regret my apathy.

I've talked the talk ... now it's time to walk the walk.

Seizing Opportunities...

A while ago I was given a prophecy/picture spoken over me:

"I had a picture of a tractor/combine harvester at harvesting time. I felt God give me two phrases in relation to you going back to uni. The first was 'the harvest is now' and the second was 'a season fruitfulness' I felt God say that seeds have been growing over your past two years at uni and that you should have faith and be expectant for these things to happen."

The season of harvesting has been difficult and I'm not entirely sure that I'm out of it yet, but I am beginning to see the seeds of a fruitful season starting to grow.

Today alone I've been presented with several opportunities to step out and get out of this box that I'm living in. Getting out of the comfort zone is something that I can imagine everyone can identify with, that first step is painful but once you're out it's GREAT!

I'm starting to see that God wants me living more dangerously than previously and that my current (and rather pathetic) safe lifestyle just isn't good enough. I've been blessed with opportunities to step out, and instead of backing out and backing down, I'm going to seize them! I'm fed up of wanting to be radical and not really reaching radical heights.

So, it is time to wake up and shake up my lifestyle and be RADICAL. Granted my kind of radical may not be yours but I just want to please God and live for Him.

These opportunities could flourish and fly or they could crash and burn, either way it's time to go with it and see where God takes me. God is my strength, my guide and my shelter. These opportunities that I have presented before me are for Him to use and I know they are His 'gentle' way of nudging me out of my comfort zone.

I'll let you know how it pans out.

Melancholy Mood...

I'm currently in one of those very pensive and melancholy moods. The sort of mood that Emos seem to be constantly stuck in, although I haven't decided to dye my hair and revert to teenage angst. (just yet)

I have however been lying on my bed thinking. A truly shocking activity I know! I'm staring at the guitar in front of me and the keyboard to the left of me and further to the left of me my sewing machine. I'm looking at all of these things and finally waking myself up to the fact that I don't have a clue about any of them (not really anyway).

I'm no dancer, singer, musician, artist or intellectual. I'm not 'a jack of all trades and master of none', I think I probably fall into the category where I might be good at something, but I'm not sure what that something is right now. I can write-I think that is my one saving grace, but writing for pleasure seems to have become this teenage angst/super emotional and ridiculous talent that no-one actually cares about and no-one wants to read. (I think you can see my mood by now!)

So I began the self-pitying road with a whole load of miserable along the way and I came to the conclusion that I don't have any talents and nothing really worthy of telling people. I think at one point I said I am pretty worthless and then questioned why I was even made. (Ok maybe there is slight angst there) but through the melodrama I heard a faint voice.

"I made you in MY image. You are worth something to me."

"Why do you need to have visible talents that have to be acknowledged?"

"You are MY daughter. I drew up specific plans for you."

Then I was reminded of an event that had happened earlier in the day...

My housemate phoned me to say that a baby bird had fallen from its nest and died in our drive, could I sort it out etc. Not a particularly nice memory until I was reminded that

"Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without the Father knowing it...you are more valuable than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew (NLT).

So although my melancholy has not completely lifted, I know that God created me for a purpose. Unfortunately I forget that beautiful and encouraging truth sometimes and need Him to gently nudge me and remind me that I am not worthless and that I am His. That alone should be enough. I maybe talentless but on the brightside it means I don't have any talents to get in the way of serving God-so I He ultimately gets more of me!!

Worrying sucks life away...

April has been and gone and I seem to be blogging all the less these days.

The dissertation is finally in as well as the multitude of other paperwork but there is still no rest as exams are but a few days away and yet through it all I feel...calm.

I don't know that it is in my 'old' age that I've become more laid back or whether I have developed a subconscious knowledge that my life is in better hands, either way I'm chilled.

We need a house mate for next year and time is running out...but I'm relaxed, exams are about a week away and third year is nearly over...but still I'm calm.

Here I am blogging away when revision should be the primary target and focus and yet I am peaceful.

I am not passive or unbothered, for exams and future plans are important to me but in the grand scheme of things worrying gets you nowhere.

I have a God that has quite happily taken it upon himself to eradicate the need to worry and has given me the opportunity instead to focus on Him.

Worrying sucks life away.

Ten minutes worrying could have been ten minutes spent being productive.

Speaking of which I should really get back to this revision.

Just a little thought to keep your brains ticking.

Advice and the Bigger Picture...

I've come to the library to do revision and I find myself in a pensive mood with a mind that is a million miles from my work. It's been a challenging night and it is by no means over. I've done a lot of listening tonight; taking in facts and listening to feelings and opinions.

I don't proclaim to be an excellent advice giver or to be particularly wise, but when a friend is need all my insecurities go out the window and I will help them no matter.

It's incredible how we are such a small part of a massive picture that God has for us. One major slip up in my life has not been allowed to go to waste, God is using it even now to enable me to advice others not to make the same mistakes. I am currently seeing it repeating itself in front of my very eyes, and I am pretty helpless to stop it. However, my experience allows me to shed some light on the situation and allow the person to feel like they are not alone. I find it difficult not to come across passive when I'm giving advice. I don't want to condemn, judge or speak harsh words to others for that will just push them further into rebellion and further away from the love that I can give.

If I can help just one person through my 'scarring' experiences then I guess it is worth it, it shows just one glimpse of God's bigger picture.

Dearest Brothers...

Dearest Brothers in Christ this is an earnest plea...look after your sisters.

I can't bear to witness and experience more suffering. Your sisters in Christ are precious things, one day you will have the honour and privilege of having another's affection. Leading is a responsibility that has been given to you, it shouldn't be a chore or a drag but something that gives you pride and honour, just as serving and supporting you is for your sisters. You need to learn to break down your walls of pride and fear of vulnerability and lead from a Godly place rather than an Earthly one. We want to support and care for you but we want to be cherished too. Love us, support us, encourage us and help us to blossom. And as you lead us, we will respond with love, care, encouragement and support. You are our brothers and our family, love us like you love your blood related family. Grow into the men that we know you can be; be bold, be different, dare to stand and work for better. Having a wife is not a given or a duty but a gift and a privilege, being a father is a privilege, being a husband is a privilege. We long to be led by men that love God and who lead from a Godly place as a result. We long to be encouraged, supported, cherished and loved.

We see your potential now it's time to fulfil it.

Your Sister in Christ

Christianity is Liberation

When you tell people that you're a Christian and you love God it is a common misconception that it means "You follow a load of rules" or "You're either happy clappy or as dry as a burnt piece of toast" etc.

The assumption is that being a Christian is a restricting and oppressive choice.

It is such a misconception that right here and right now I'm going to eradicate it. Granted it won't be in a scholarly and academic fashion but it will be truthful!

Choosing to live for God was the most liberating thing I've ever done.

Imagine this...You've worked hard and you've just come out of school, you've been offered two fantastic jobs, same salary, same location, same great perks-how do you decide? At the end of the day although they both seem the same, one will be inevitably better for you because there will be different people involved and different styles etc.

Now if you're the indecisive type like me it'll be a killer trying to decide, but all I have to do is pray and wait for God to answer! Easy.

I don't have to worry about my future because He has it planned. Any mistake or seemingly wrong choice I make God will turn into something fruitful; whether immediately or whether years on.

I love walking back from places and being able to talk to my best friend even though He can't be seen. It's freeing. Being able to talk to someone who is always there, who will never let you down and who cares completely.

Try and name one person in your life who is all of those things, I can guarantee there will be no-one who fits all of those criteria all of the time, day in day out. How is that not liberating?

Yes, being a Christian means that perhaps I know of the 10 commandments and yes I want to abide by them as much as possible, but let's face it they're not exactly 'deal breakers'. 'Do not murder'-not exactly a toughy! I don't live each day confined by suffocating laws that tell me to face a wall, jump up and down 5 times, wash my face and then I can talk to God, if anything I live a life that is limitless and boundary-less, it is me that puts the obstacles there, God wants to break them and let me roam.

Jesus died on the cross so that none of us would have the issue of restraint, confinement and claustrophobia of oppressive rules and regulations. He died so that we could live, that we could have our own breathing space and use that breathing space to be close to God.

To have the knowledge that God is sovereign, loves me no matter what I do or say and allows me to live a life that isn't oppressed...now that is LIBERATING!

Get God in your life, get liberated.

Words fail me...

It is that time of year again when all the students return to their homelands for the Easter holidays and I am no different.

Returning home is always a time of mixed emotions as it feels like you leave your new life to return to the life you left behind (not always in a negative way though). Returning to my home church is particularly interesting; the less frequently I return the more I notice the changes. The changes in faces and the changes in style. Needless to say that the first meeting back I'm always a little apprehensive, mostly about how it is going to be and what has changed.

This Sunday was a great meeting, with a fantastic worship that really brought home to me the inadequacy of the English Language-bizarre thing to think right? Bear with me on this, it's going to make sense...Granted it isn't the most obvious or perhaps the most common thing to think when worshipping and praising an Almighty God, but it is true.

When I think about how amazing God is and how incredible He is, words fail me. When I worship Him and try to describe Him, words fail me. When I think about what He's done, words fail me. That's when I'm grateful for the gift of Tongues. Even then I feel like I am barely touching the surface of the praise that God deserves.

He is indescribable.

I was overwhelmed with the lack of words that can describe Him, I wish I could speak more about His character and His amazing qualities but I can't. There aren't words. Nothing comes close. I just have to laugh at the inadequacy and inaccuracy of the English language and for that matter all languages.

For even the most passionate and ardent words are not enough.

He means more to me than words can say. He is greater, higher, and better than any words can describe. He is more loving than words. Words don't do it.

The thing is until you've experienced His love, His beauty and His incredible nature aren't comprehensible. I can try earnestly to draw you in and describe Him, but it doesn't say much.

I could use the most eloquent of words and yet it wouldn't bring Him enough praise or glory. As I write this there is a big smile on my face, but even that doesn't say it.

My words are but a drop in the sea compared to how awesome a God is He.

Testimony...

Every Thursday evening I meet with an amazing bunch of people from church and we pray, worship, and discuss our biggest passion in life...God. This week I'm on Witness, a section of the night that consists of something evangelistic or at least challenging. Whilst thinking of what to do I decided to think about my testimony and think about how God saved me and made it clear to me that I need Him in my life. (Now, I wasn't going to write it down in this blog, but maybe next time.)

I would never profess to have a particularly gripping testimony with jaw dropping stories of rebellion and intrigue, but it's gripping in the sense that God chose me, saved me and has used me. I used to think it was a mundane testimony in comparison to the converted murderers, drug dealers and alcoholics, but actually the fact that God woke me up and said He wanted to use me is pretty awesome in itself.

My testimony contains an abundance of stupid mistakes that I still see the consequences of and will in the future, but something struck me when I thought about it. It was this...

...when I screwed up BIG time, God waited with open arms for me to run back and find Him.

There was one part of my life where I was painfully torn between God and earthly pleasures, I can't begin to imagine the pain I inflicted on God as He watched me hurt myself and disobey Him time and time again.

And yet He waited.

He listened patiently to my guilty and disgraced sobs when I called out for forgiveness and asked to escape the life I was leading.

He gave me strength to tear me away from it.

When I finally broke free He waited...with open arms. My Daddy, the Creator of the Universe waited for my return.

He wrapped His arms around me and didn't shun me or send me away...He instead debased Himself to save a sinner like me.

So yeah, you know what...I want to lay down my life because a God like that is worth it.

He is priceless, beyond value and so totally incredible that giving my life is quite frankly, pittance in comparison.

Catch on fire...

"Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come from miles to watch you burn."

I wrote this John Wesley quote to someone today and was just reminded of what a beautiful quote it is.

All I want is to live for God, and if I can inspire and spur others to do the same just by being passionate than that is a beautiful bonus for God.

But whether or not you're a Christian and whether you've accidentally and rather scarily come across this page just think about that quote:

"Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come from miles to watch you burn."

Think about applying it to life, to the things you love. I don't want to sound like a profound blog writer and I don't profess that this is particularly profound, but I know that I want to live my life enthusiastic and passionate about the things I love. I don't want to just be passive about things that I used to love but now can't be bothered to.

Shake up and wake up.

Life is short! Get passionate. Get excited.

It's time to watch the people around you catch onto your vision, to your love and to feel what you feel.

"Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come from miles to watch you burn."

God just keeps on giving...

God is amazing!

Nothing about that statement is new to me and it shouldn't be to you either, but this week He has revealed it all over again.

Yesterday was an interview for what I want to do next year and more importantly the rest of my life! Needless to say I was just a little nervous! One of the things I love about the church family though is the support and love that is available to you. I asked so many people to support me with prayer and there were so many of my church family that were willing to help and give me advice and encouraging words. I don't know what I would do without my family, both the blood family and the church family. Just knowing that people are praying is wonderful enough. I know that I would be lost without that support system and I would find life so lonely without the knowledge of a church family loving me and being there for me.

Tuesday was generally a relaxed day where I distracted myself by knuckling down to work and later going to a friend's house for dinner. As the evening drew to a close, my Mum prayed for me, (via the phone) which always brings me peace and is something I am so grateful for. I'm so blessed to have parents that care and show an interest.

I love the fact that because of what God did for me I get to talk to Him. I've done nothing to deserve it! After sorting out my bag, clothes and general bits and bobs for the next day I sat down and prayed a last long winded repetitive prayer. And God gave me this amazing sense that He was listening and that yes He will be there tomorrow, peace was mine and I fell to sleep no problem!

I prayed these things:

For blue sky and nice weather-so that I can feel motivated and be in a good mood.

To know at least one person during the interview day.

That my interviewer would make me feel comfortable and be friendly.

That the day would go quickly and would hopefully finish relatively early!

Such small little things to ask a great big God, that to be honest wouldn't appear to require much faith, especially when you look at Biblical times when they asked for fire and waited for walls to crumble!

I woke up a little early and the first thing I did was look out at the window with an expectant heart. My heart was overjoyed with the beauty that the morning held...blue sky with a touch of pink and a few wispy clouds-Thank you God! I went feeling fairly calm and although once I got there my nerves were playing on me, God had His way of making me smile...The first person I bumped into was a friend from back home that I hadn't seen at uni for a while! Amazing! It then turned out that another person on my course was attending the day also and I was able to spend most of the day with him! The day continued pretty fast (another prayer answered) and surprisingly pretty well. Next for the interview...It was the friendliest interviewer possible, and although he tested me and pushed my knowledge I felt at ease and we chatted comfortably. I was even able to talk about church and the Bible with him. (Not totally as holy as it sounds) Answer to another prayer! And if all that wasn't enough...I finished at 1pm not the 5pm that had originally been stated.

Hallelujah! I was blown away by God's faithfulness and attention to my prayers. I don't why I should be, after all He is the most incredible God that time after time sticks by my side, listens and loves me.

How amazing that God went with me to a tiny interview (in comparison to Him) and stayed by my side. That before the day started He knew the interviewer, the weather, the people I'd meet and the exact timing of everything.

But God likes to do things His way and with His own special flare...I was told that I would know of the results within the next 2 weeks. They emailed me today and told me I had a provisional place! So although it is not a definite God has got me this far and He will get me the rest of the way, whatever that way is!

All I need is Him. He is enough. He is all I want. I don't just want Him when I have challenges to face and tough times ahead, but I want Him in everything. I want Him before I sleep, when I wake, when I cry, laugh, dance and sing I want Him there.

I love you God.

A Glorious Picture...

The last couple of nights have been prayer nights at my home church. I love being able to encourage one another by praying together and worshipping God in a smaller setting; it's all a little bit closer and more tight knit. These prayer nights are what church is all about; building each other up and getting passionate about the things we want to see happen.

After the prayer portion of the night and after a quick pint at the pub I watched The Time Traveller's Wife (sad film), once it finished I took the short walk home and it was on this walk that I had the most amazing picture.

(I was walking in the road at this point looking at the houses, listening to the peace and quiet-there is just something so freeing about walking in the middle of the road late at night/early in the morning...)

As I walked down the road I just thought to myself;

'One day every one of these houses will be filled with rejoicing.'

Just imagine it:

Whole streets filled with songs of worship and the constant chitter chatter about what God has done in each other's lives. I can't wait. I can't wait to see everyone waking up on a Sunday morning walking and driving to their churches, greeting one another on the way. One day dancing in the streets just because we are loved by the King of Kings. One day I will see my street rejoicing and praising God and what an amazing day that'll be. Just imagine the party!

Parents...

There are so many things to be thankful for in this life and one thing that I definitely thank God for is my parents.

I believe there comes an age where you truly appreciate your parents, after the tantrums of the toddler years and the talking back and rebellion of the teenage years you finally start to see just how much they've done for you. Now granted not everyone is so blessed with a fantastic set of parents, you just need to watch the Jeremy Kyle Show to see how broken some homes really are, but I have been well and truly blessed.

I didn't always used to get on with my parents and there have certainly been times where I disliked them more than anything-probably a predictable teenage stage. But I do truly love and respect them and thank God for such great parents.

I may be past the teenage years but I don't think you ever stop needing your parents or at least wanting their comfort. I came home tonight a little bit emotionally shaken up and all I did was sit down next to my Mum and pour my heart out. It's not always been like that and needless to say I am a pretty guarded person, but there are just some times that you need your Mum and I don't believe I am too old. My Dad soon joined us and the two of them said so many wise things that I would be a fool to ignore them or even take them for granted.

My parents have been the most amazing parents-they continually support me even when it gets tough-emotionally and financially; they love me unconditionally and give me the most incredibly wise advice (whether I choose to listen or not!). It's even better that I can pray with them and that they love to pray with me too. I love the fact that I can run to either of them and they will willingly pray for and with me, their prayers are so comforting.

I love my parents and I am so blessed to have them. They have been such an incredible example to me throughout the years of a loving marriage, that although has its highs and lows works so so well.

So...here's to you Mum and Dad for the amazing example you've set us children, for the love you continually pour out, for the tantrums, rebellions, back chat and rudeness you've put up with and for you're continued support in pray, in words, comfort and financially.

I love you.