Attitudes...

At the beginning of the week I blogged about seizing opportunities and making the most of the challenges that come your way and well, this week has proved to be a challenge and a half. It's been difficult to say the least, but ever the optimist it's all good practice and helps to build the character no doubt.

Truthfully this week's major battle has been with my attitude. A situation occurred that sparked off issues that I've had to deal with as a result. (Apologises for the ambiguity but I don't want to be naming and shaming.)

I hate talking about attitude because it always makes me feel like a grumpy teenager, but to be honest, our attitudes are important. I've struggled this week to keep my temper and to keep my frustration under control. I am rarely an angry person and I am not confrontational unless completely necessary, so when I say that this week I've struggled with anger and frustration it is more of an internal battle than anything else.

I find it so hard to cope with being helpless. This week I've had to bite my tongue and just deal with the fact that no matter how close you feel you are to someone, sometimes (or all the time as it currently feels) they just don't want to tell you what is wrong with them. I totally understand the whole 'bottling up thing' I've lived that way most of my life! But I still tell close friends the real things that are bothering me, not just because they want to help but because it's a release and shows that you trust and respect them when you're at your most vulnerable.

This week when a friend just pretended everything was alright and refused to admit anything was wrong it wound me up massively. Not only did it clearly affect her but it upset and affected me and how I lived on a daily basis. It's infuriating to know that I can't help, that if I'm the root of the problem I am making it worse by not knowing and I can't help stop the issue; it's infuriating because I care for them and want to help. My prayers seem weak and pathetic; "Please help so and so with whatever is wrong..." it just doesn't seem enough.

The anger soon subsided into feeling insulted and upset, feeling under appreciated and that our friendship is only a one-way street, and that I can't be trusted enough to help.

Needless to say that this week has drained me; struggling to maintain the right focus and I've had to keep coming back to God and asking for His help to straighten my attitude out. I'm still grappling with it now, and so I guess this blog does little to add to your daily readings other than to show you where I am right now.

Attitudes are important to get right, they effect your mood and how people perceive you. I know that this feeling of frustration and insult isn't going to go away from just blogging, or even from just having prayed a couple of times over the past week. This is one of those things that I need to pray about day in and day out. I need to battle it and face it head on, never forgetting or neglecting the power it can have over my life.